Monday, December 31, 2007

Music Lessons Part 1

In 5th grade when they hand out the information on band instruments, well, it was in the late 60s and it wasn‘t totally nerdy to want to play one then. My parents loved big bands like Glenn Miller and Tommy Dorsey so they were right there with me when I said I might like to play the trumpet in school. My mother had not ever played an instrument and didn’t sing much, although I think she could carry a tune better than my dad who had a couple of years playing the baritone saxophone when he was young.


They rented an old Elkhart trumpet from the local music store for me to start with. Then as I showed them that I’d stick with it, they bought me a new Olds Ambassador for $214. That was a big investment for them in something for me that I really didn’t HAVE to have. I must credit them both here for thinking that music was an important part of my academia. They had no way of knowing how important it would be in my life later on.


I had a very good music teacher in elementary school. He was young, just out of college I believe, and had kind of long curly blond hair and those little round John Lennon glasses. He looked a lot like Warren Zevon did in the 80s. He was a soft-spoken guy with a glint in his eye that I would not understand for many years. His patience seemed endless, perhaps he was so green in the teaching arena that he suffered from the same enthusiasm of his students, most of whom where 10 and 11 years old. Perhaps, or maybe he felt the way I now feel about music then and just couldn’t be beaten by the sour sounds produced by several young players that probably had no business with a harmonica let alone a trumpet or clarinet.


The “music room” at that school was in the basement next to the boiler room. The "old building" section was built around 1900 and had a coal-fired furnace. Everything had soot on it in the winter. That didn’t matter. We were now musicians and music class was much better than anything else going on there. We got to leave the rest of our class to go to music class. We were musicians. I knew it was cool that we got to go, I just didn’t fully appreciate the difference between us and the rest of the kids now.


Our teacher took us through the cursory snipets of tunes in the beginner book, tried to focus us on what the term “tone” meant, although I remember just hitting the right note was such a victory for most of us that he left it at that and we moved on at a good pace. He encouraged even the worst players and had surprising results. You just wanted to please him since he was such a likeable guy. I‘m sure the girls in the band found him even more “likeable”. That didn’t matter, we were his band now and we could actually play a song or two all together that didn’t always sound like crap. Once or twice we all played it right and it gave some of us that feeling that we didn’t understand then, accomplishment. We could make something out of all those separate parts that other kids couldn’t. Music. A whole song. Something we made. Something that didn’t always sound like crap.


The second year of class we were in a brand new school. As 6th graders we were the big shots at the new school and the oldest kids in the band. Our teacher asked us what we wanted to play. Well, of course we had the 2nd year Hal Leonard Band Method book to go through, but what did he say? What did we want to play? We told him “rock and roll”, laughing a little, knowing that we’d maybe get a little Herb Alpert out of him.


Well, we DID get “Tijuana Taxi” but the big surprise was that he went out and got us the charts for “Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies that was now playing on an endless loop on the local top 40 AM radio station and on the Saturday morning cartoon show where Archie, Betty, Veronica and Jughead had their own rock band now. We loved it, and I remember us driving our parents nuts learning it. Lot’s of practicing at home and of course listening to the 45 of it over and over.


This move, letting us learn by playing contemporary tunes we liked, was the magic that kept most of us in band on into junior high school. We still had to master “Shortnin’ Bread” out of the band book, but playing “our music” did something that has stuck with me all this time. I seem to remember our folks looking a little surprised and even proud when we played it for them on concert night at the new school. My first memory of “stage time”. Nervous, yes. Proud of my accomplishment and our band, very much so. Our teacher and leader seemed very pleased and that was a reward all on it’s own.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

We Just Want To Help You...

Dawn of the Un-Dead Promoter Services (Or Feasting on the Starving Musicians).

You may see a letter like this in your band’s website email or myspace mail inbox:

Your music ROCKS!

If you’re not currently signed to a major label, big dollar recording contract - Please read on for exciting news regarding your big industry break!I think I have something for you, which you might find to be quite useful. I'm now offering a wild variety of booking services, writing services, and contact downloads for bands. Writing can mean your complete bio, press release, newsletters, web content, and more!

We have a full time professional writing team with credits such as people who know Guns-N-Roses fill-in players and other famous guys, and many more. We also have database downloads available with contact information for thousands of Record Labels, PR firms, Managers, Producers, Publishers, and Finance Companies that will show you how to come up with the knowledge (cash) to get work in the music industry.

I know that bands spend thousands of hours trying to get this info, so in this case – we did it for you. All files are in PDF and Excel file formats and we offer them free of charge to Gold Members (see details on our site under member benefits).We are also offering booking services for selected bands. We currently have about 20 bands on our roster, and have some of the best booking agents in the country dedicated to getting YOU gigs!

We are currently accepting applications for bands, and conducting telephone interviews to see if YOUR band is ready for the next level of touring. After listening to your band’s music on your site, I believe you are next in line to apply!

Also if you are a promoter, feel free to respond to this email with your contact info! We have an automated booking system which can help you book bands on your gigs, guarantee ticket sales, oh and did we mention…its completely free to Gold Members!If you are interested in ANY of these services, please go to http://www.bestbandservice..com/, register, log in, and you will find all you need. The writing and download services are completely automated, and pretty easy to figure out once your logged in. If you are interested in our booking service – please log in to the website, and you will see instructions on where to apply in the main menu.

You can’t afford to wait any longer for this important info that might somehow lead to your big break. People are getting discovered and signed to major label recording contracts while you are reading this. Wouldn’t it be cool if your band got all the information it needed to find the names of important music industry people who actually know some of the folks who do the discovering of some of these bands??? Don’t wait another minute, apply (charge it) for your BBS Gold Membership NOW!To find out more please go to http://www.bestbandservice..com/ – DO NOT reply to this email with press kits, epks..etc. We will ask you for it if we need it.Thanks, We‘ll see you on tour!

~ Adrian J - Vice President of Best Band Service (Ever).


While this letter is a fictious amalgam of some of the many letters I’ve received over the last couple of years, it’s not too far off base. Beware of someone VERY interested in your music career out of the blue, there are almost always strings attached. They are mainly interested in separating you from money you either can’t spare or just don’t have. They offer services that you can do on your own if you want to work a little at it. If it seems too good to be true - IT IS!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Time Machine




A friend's regrets thread on a bassist web board prompted me to think of something that has been in and out of my head over the last several years as my oldest son has been playing in my band.


You younger players SHOULD listen to this and absorb it, but I know you won't. That's OK because I know exactly why that is. I was there once myself.


Several other "older" musicians as well as the teachers at your schools, uncles, guys at work and others have been trying to give you something. You roll your eyes and smile and act like you're listening for a little bit and say "thanks man, but it's not like when you were young" and then you go on your merry way tracking dogsh!t all through "your house" as you go.

What I'm rambling up to is this:

We're trying our damnedest to give you the keys to the friggin' Time Machine.

What this means is that if we knew at 20 what we know now, there'd be several things we'd do different. Not always major things, but there would be changes none-the-less.

While things are different now, so are they the same. Someone tried to give us the same keys and we laughed at them at said " I know what I'm doing Old Dude!" and we walked right through the same kind of dogsh!t in the 70s and 80s.

Listen a little and try to absorb more than you really want to. Not just in your music experiences, but elsewhere in your life. The keys to the Time Machine are here NOW.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

And God Created Sidemen...

While I'm sure this has been posted many times over the years, it is still a gem. Not sure who wrote it, but he speaketh the truth.

THE BOOK OF JOBBING, CHAPTER IV: "GOD CREATES SIDEMEN"

And so the great Leader Nebulon did embark upon a search for suitable Sidemen for his orchestra, and he could find none; for in those days there were not many, and those he could find were already working.

Some worked the Ark with the House of Noah, and some had the house gig at The Walls of Jericho. And many played behind the scat-singing team of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednago.

So Nebulon did return to the Lord and saith, "Lord, there are many musicians, but no Sidemen!", and he rent his clothing asunder. And the Lord did say, "Thou art a schmuck! Hast thou looked everywhere? Didst thou call the Union?"And Nebulon did say, "Lord, I have looked high and low, especially low; and only one or two could I find. What shall I do?"And the Lord did afflict Nebulon with boils, saying unto him, "Leave Me to think on this!"And just to buy some time he did also visit a plague of locusts upon Egypt.

And the Lord did summon a league of Angels, and sent them forth over the land, commanding them to find Him some Sidemen.And the Angels did go to the four corners of the earth, but the only unemployed Sideman they could find was one holy man in India who did play the horn with the slide.

So with great fear the Angels did return to the Lord with the bad news, and filled with wrath He said. "How can this be? At one time the world did teem with Sidemen, as dead oxen do with maggots!"And the Angels did say, "Lord, many left the business, many have become idiots, and some have even become Leaders, and no Leader will work for another Leader."

So the Lord did cause drought for 40 days while He thought, and at last the answer came unto Him. He did recall that there was a factory, part of his Beasts Of The Field, Inc., division, that was in disuse. For it had earlier been used to create Golems, for which there had been no great demand, and so He had closed down the operation. And He thought, 'We can retool, and start turning out Sidemen.'And so it was done, and it came to pass that the Sidemen started rolling off the assembly line.

But somehow a remnant of the Golem program remained, and the Sidemen did come out acting unpredictably. Some stammered and stuttered, some talked to themselves under their breath, and some would not bathe. Some refused to shave their beards or to have their hair shorn, and some refused to wear the Jobbing Toga. And some wore the Toga, but left them crumpled in their chariots in between Gigs, or slept in them, or wore Togas from eons past, with ruffles.

And some did not believe in maps, and wandered the land aimlessly looking for the Gig, and some did not believe in the use of the hourglass, and arrived at the Gig whenever they chose.

And some loved the wine of dates, and some loved the burning of hemp. And some were created without ears, and some with knuckles where their eyebrows should be.And some did worship the gods Trane, Jaco, Mahavishnu and Ornette, and mocked their Leaders. And some did steal food from the buffet line, yea, even before the Guests had dined.

And some did try to lay with the Chick Singers, and some with the Guests, and some with the Little Sisters of these, the Chick Singers and the Guests. And some did not Read, and some could only Read, and not Blow. And some had no social skills, and some had no musical skills. And many of them were Dark, not in pigmentation of the skin, but in the Outlook on Life.

But every once in a while the line did produce a Perfect Sideman: One who followed orders without question; One who showed up on time; One who wore the Toga; One whose chariot always ran; One who Knew Tunes; But these Perfect Sidemen were few and far between, and besides their eyes were glazed, and they were shunned, for they were Boring, and knew not how to Hang.

And soon the land teemed with Sidemen milling about, looking for Gigs, complaining and whining and arguing and occasionally stabbing each other in the back.

And the Lord looked down upon his work, and said, "It will do."

Friday, October 26, 2007

Merle's Wisdom

Things I've Learned by Merle Haggard


I've lived at the very end of what must have been a wonderful country.
They've left the redwoods up alongside the highway so we'll think they're all there. But go up in an airplane and you'll see that they've clear-cut everything behind.
The kids just don't know how big the tear on the rip-off was. If they had any idea, I believe they could do something about it. But it may be too late. We'll see. They're smarter. They can talk to one another. I don't look for a politician to bullsh** his way in this time.

When I was nine years old, right after my dad died, my mother got me some violin lessons with this big heavyset lady. It took nine lessons before this lady said to my mother, "You're wasting your money. He's got too good an ear. He's not going to fool with learning to read when he can play something that he hears on the radio." When I heard her say that, I knew I had something.
We weren't thieves by nature. Pranksters. Practical jokers. We were without a car one time, Dean Holloway and I. We just went out and started borrowing cars. Sometimes we'd bring 'em back. Put gas in 'em. Clean 'em up. Leave a little note: THANKS FOR THE CAR. Like the Phantom.

I'm in a very small percentage of people ever in the joint who beat it. It's like 2 percent of 2 percent. If you've ever been to the joint, you're going back.
I'll tell you why it's different when somebody else is singing "Mama Tried": They're reading the words. I'm telling the story.

I got out something like nine that morning. February 3, 1960. There's a big metal security device at the main door coming out of San Quentin. When they open that door, it comes up and you have to step over it. Just as I was stepping over that device, a Hank Snow record came on. "The Last Ride." My foot just stopped in midair. The song was coming from a radio near this guard who was standing there with his gun. He said, "What, did you change your mind?" I said, "No, that's a really great song." I stayed there and listened to the rest of the song.
Couldn't have done the music without it. Wouldn't have thought of it. Wouldn't have been part of me.

Willie Nelson is an idol for me. The music is sort of immaterial. Willie is seventy-four. A lot of people don't realize how healthy he is. He doesn't eat any strict diet. But he doesn't eat very much of anything. He understands the value of water.
Seventy is a big mark. I'm feeling good. But Bing Crosby felt good, too, and he came off the eighteenth hole, just kind of laid down in the grass, and that was that.
Freedom is what prohibition ain't.

I probably had as bad a sex urge as anybody when I was younger. I remember an old guitar player, Eldon Shamblin, told me, "When you get p**** off your mind, you can go ahead and learn something." Isn't that great?
Willie Nelson's the one who told me the reason it costs so much to get divorced is because it's worth it.

I remember going to a dance when I was a kid — my older brother took me in. Roy Nichols was playing. My brother said, "Hey, there's a little guy in there playing guitar. He don't have to pick cotton or go to school." Roy Nichols became my idol on the guitar. Many years later, he went on to play for me for half price. But he and I could never look directly at each other. I never knew why. At first, I thought it was because I admired him too much. But it was Roy, too. Anyway, late in his life, Roy had a stroke. Paralyzed him on one side. Right down the middle. Half of his nose he could blow, the other half was dead. After his stroke, I went over to Roy's house. He looked me right in the eye and said, "Look here: I love you." I got chills. He said, "That old sh** went down the hole with this stroke."

Lefty Frizzell said you don't have to experience everything to sing about it. But you've got to believe it.

I think what we're lacking in music today is it seems like all the good stories have been already taken. "Stardust" has already been written. "Your Cheatin' Heart." "Imagine." God almighty, lightning may never strike again like that.
If only somebody could come up with something different — start a new trend. Real music. If only somebody could sing a song, had something to say, had a good melody, and could do it in person, without help from any electronics. I think the people would go nuts. It's bound to happen. There's got to be a guy out there somewhere. A natural.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Yogi On Jazz

Yogi Berra Explains Jazz By Steve Chalke

Interviewer: What do you expect is in store for the future of jazz trumpet?

Yogi: I'm thinkin' there'll be a group of guys who've never met talkin' about it all the time...

Interviewer: Can you explain jazz?

Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong.

Interviewer: I don't understand.

Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's whats so simple about it.

Interviewer: Do you understand it?

Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldnt know anything about it.

Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today?

Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it.

Interviewer: What is syncopation?

Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds.

Interviewer: Now I really don't understand.

Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz that well.

Friday, August 31, 2007

"There ain't enough lipstick...



...to make this pig look good."

From a bass player web board - annoying guitar player smackdown. This could very well be ANY musician in ANY band, God knows we've all been victims of this guy's bullsh!t at one time or another.

"So I was just in the studio a few weeks ago and me and the drummer showed up a bit early for the session... anyway, there's a guitar player there kinda throwin' a tantrum directed at one of Boston's best recording engineers. Turns out the kid is frustrated at a part he's trying to get down and he obviously either didn't practice the part enough or just isn't capable of playing it.. after a few more attempts at punching the part right go awry he starts going off on the engineer about how he doesn't have the right tone and the studio sucks, etc.. The engineer has a long fuse but he's obviously getting to the end of it when finally he responds thru the intercom that the session is over cause the board doesn't come with a talent button.. Best put down of a whiney guitarist I've ever heard..."

These next items are some recording engineer tools that may come in handy for people like the one mentioned above.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

When Old is New Again

Here's a new bass out of the Tonebender Custom Shop. It's got an old-school Hagstrom style single coil pickup called a Dark Star that is being manufactured here in the USA by Hammon Engineering. The sound is incredible. We went with mostly old style touches here like the ashtray pickup cover and tele barrel style knobs as well as the Olympic white Fender body. It should age to a nice cream color over the years. This bass is a string-thru body for more sustain. Newer touches would be the Graphtec roller string tree and the 21 fret neck. Probably a keeper, I'll try to post a review of the pickup and possibly some sound clips.

Hammon Engineering is located HERE

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Telesious

Here's the latest bits of wood, wire and metal from the mod shop here at Tonebender.
Custom 66 Tele with trans blonde finish over ash, single P90 pickup, and some serious attitude toward blues tones.



For more pics of our work go
HERE

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Open letter to the band's wives and/or girlfriends

Hi.
Stay the f*ck out of the band's business. YOU ARE NOT IN THE BAND. Your husband/boyfriend is in a band to do the following:
1. Be creative (you stifle this)
2. Relieve stress (you create more of this)
3. Escape reality for a few hours (evidently there's no escaping you)
4. Bond with other musicians (you are not one despite all the concerts you've been to and any karaoke you've done with your girlfriends)
5. Possibly make some money while having a great time doing something he loves (he'll do you when he comes home)

Notice the trend above? YOU are not really wanted or appreciated hanging out with the band while they practice. Ever. This is the time when the musicians work out the things that you want to bring up.
1. We know the singer is not as good as the whiny guy from My Chemical Romance or Sting or Bono. We're working on it. He's all we've got and your comments just make it worse. STFU.
2. We also know that the lead guitar is too loud and hurts your ears. Did you ever stop to think that it's that way to get you to leave? You didn't, did you? You just make "that face" and bitch about it just loud enough that everyone else hears you telling your husband/BF. STFU.
3. Yes, the drummer plays too much crash cymbal. STFU.
4. No, We don't want to play more ballads ala Steve Perry. STFU.
5. We all know that you know a guy/girl at your work who would kick ass as a singer but he'd have to fire the rest of your husband/BFs loser bandmates and bring in "real musicians" to get him to perform in this band. Enough already. STFU and leave.

Now when it comes to performances, in a bar or a party at a friend's house or where ever, IF you are invited to attend, go and be supportive and happy for your husband/BF. He most likely really wants you to be there to see him be a "rock star". He does not want you to come and start all the above mentioned criticizing. You may have to use some tact and "fake it" a little. You do know how to do that, right? Musicians, and men in general, really don't mind a little of that. We will still have a good time and have some pride in what we're doing, not to mention thinking that we are impressing you even if it's just a little bit.

You are also able to keep an eye on your musician in case the bar-flys start getting too friendly. This is a perfect time to instead of being bitchy to your husband/BF you can be all possessive of "your rock star" and tell the unwanted girl to hit the road, he's yours. This is a win/win for both of you. It's when you stop getting invited to the performances that you might have taken things too far at the practices. So instead of being all militant and pissy about my rant above, you might want to work on being more positive and low profile now before it's too late.

If all of this just makes you mad - you are missing the point. The musicians joke about this stuff all the time, many times it's because it's true. Don't be Yoko.

~ tonebender, out ~

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Weazels on iTunes

The band just got the first CD listed for download sales on iTunes, Check it out!
You need to have iTunes installed on your computer to get it to work - lots of great music there.

Weazel Tunes!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

I saw this on a bass forum from a reliable source - bass related as we are able to enjoy our pastime due to the hard work of others including some of our own members. Those of you that know me know I don't forward chain letters and urban myths. This one bears forwarding. Read below -

I saw this request on the DORBA message board in Dallas and I thought I'd share it with you guys."US Marine Colonel Simcock, the commander of USMC Regimental Combat Team 6 in Iraq, is asking for 6,000 positive emails to his Marines. That's one email for each Marine in his RCT command. COL Simcock is concerned about the effect of the negative barrage that those Marines are getting through the electronic media. I've attached an excerpt from an interview with him. So far, they've only mustered 2,000 emails. That's a crying shame compared to the amount of crap I get daily in email.

Here's the address: RCT-6lettersfromh@gcemnf-wiraq.usmc.mil

"If you're reading this email, then you can probably click on the address, type a few words, and then hit "send" to be all done. It doesn't have to be the Gettysburg Address. Something as simple as "Hello, Marine. We thank you for what you're doing. You are in a noble task. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Best wishes &get home soon" is more than sufficient." I sent them a quick message. Please do the same. Thanks

The underlined link IS the email address - just copy and paste it in your email address box. I did one and forwarded it to my mailing list buddies. Go with your gut on this one. Whether or not you agree with the administration is not part of this action - our friends are there for us, let's let them know we're here for them as well. Thanks - TB

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Fat Elvis

Today's post is an oldie but goodie. This was from a musician's forum a couple of years ago. I hope you enjoy it and that it doesn't force you to relive too many painful memories. read on below:

An Open Letter To The Band

About the Disneyworld Gig -

Dear Band,
Please allow me to express my innermost feelings. Know this is meant to be interpreted as a good natured rant from a flawed human being who wants to gently make a point to the ones he loves.
I am facing a 13+ hour drive by myself pulling a trailer for the next two days.
On the way I will eat all meals by myself and stay in some sh!tty hotel worrying at all times about the security of our equipment and luggage.
Once I arrive in Orlando, I will have to move the trailer early every morning.
I will be super nice to EVERYONE, funny all the time, do 4-30 minute sets of music for 1000+ people but not repeat any song.
I will pray that 4 people (you guys) don't oversleep or have a problem with your flight on Friday. I will pick you up at the airport and get your room key for you. I make sure you are fed, prepared for the Sunday show, dressed properly, and aware of show times. I will grin and bear the bad sound system, the amateur choir, and any last minute changes the client has. I will do all of this in a well pressed coordinated, stylishly conservative clothing. (If you have ever cared anything about me, read on.) But, this is one of two well paying gigs I have this month and the first one I've had in a few weeks.
AND, I didn't pick the music for the Sunday thing. SO, (finally, the f*cking point) anything you can do to make this easier for me will be appreciated. Including, and especially, keeping all sarcastic and passive aggressive remarks about the Sunday thing to yourself. I didn't pick the music but the wife of the guy with the f*cking check did.
I and the world know you are too good to do this sh!tty music. Your refined ear makes it difficult for you to learn and rehearse these songs. I know it eases your pain (but increases mine) for you to approach the undertaking half-heartedly.
I've been lifting weights all summer and I can tell you, it's a lot harder to pick that heavy sh!t upwhen you don't really want to pick it up. It's EASIER to have, sorry to sound corny, a positive attitude.
I also know that you are enduring some cruel cosmic joke that causes you to labor in obscurity playing in hack cover bands at Amway conventions while others with half your talent are stars.
I feel your pain.
BUT, it's one thing to be a great musician in a cover band. It's another thing to be a great musician in a cover band but with a sh!tty attitude.
Remember, no driving, you're getting paid, your own room, out of town for the weekend, hanging on the Disney property, and, 5-30 minute sets over a three day period. One more thing. I know it's funny to you to make fun of this gig and the crappy Sunday morning songs. It is your way of saying, "I'm too good to do this." Leave the funny sh!t to me. I'm funnier than you will ever be, so don't even try.
Just shut the f*ck up, wear the clothes, do the gig, and get your check.
You can never be as funny as me unless you go back in time and are raised by a paranoid schizophrenic with bi-polar disorder in rural f*cking white trash Alabama with a job picking up trash on construction sights, brown paper sacks that sweaty f*cking hillbillies have sh!t in.
Then, you can spend the weekend at your Uncle's pool with your molesting cousin and half wit brother who beats the f*ck out of you whenever no one is looking. After that, you can go back to your nasty house where the dogs and cats have sh!t all over the place and practice guitar even though no one in your family plays and you have no reason to believe that you can. THEN, after 20 years of struggle, you can support your whole family and spend your free time wiping your Mom's puke from your porch and bathroom. Then, you can go to 13 different f*cking therapists, every twelve step program known to man and be baptized twice.
THEN you can spend your adult life being known as Fat Elvis. Then, after all that you can fly a guy to Disneyworld, carry him around, feed him, and pay him $550.00 to complain about learning some songs.
THEN, you will be as funny as me and you can make humorous remarks for everyone to enjoy about the Sunday show. In short, every day I don't kill myself or someone else is a goddamn miracle. I'm glad to have this gig and I'm glad to be going out of town and I'm thankful to have you as a friend and colleague. I'm a sensitive person who wants to please everyone around me and it makes me feel bad when you seem to be bugged by what I ask you to do. Please shut the f*ck up, wear the clothes, play the songs, and don't make me feel any worse about my life and what I ask you to do than I already do.
We have a lot to be thankful for.
There are a lot of incredible players in Nashville who are working construction...I have their f*cking phone numbers.
I love you guys, see you in Florida.


~ tonebender, out. ~